it's you that keeps me sane

Then things started getting heated and then a voice in my head said

“UnBuckley his belt”

So tonight we ended up opening our gifts and it was pretty good. Then when i was checking when the stuff i ordered online was coming it had said “arrived at 2:30.” By this time is was already 10 and i was rushing out the door, without any shoes to get the mail, cause obviously no one had gotten it before hand. With my packages received i looked at the other mail and saw that there was a letter from Worcester State with my name on it. I’ve been waiting for this cause i knew that this was something that would make my mother happy.

I open the letter and it says that i had gotten accepted. I showed her the letter and it was as if it was a letter saying someone died. There was a sad look on her face and it was just so debilitating for me. There were two other people in the room when i told her and she didn’t even tell anyone else, not even my father.

Usually a parent is proud of their child for getting accepted into a college and im guessing they would like to tell people. Apparently not. My mother’s cousin was in the room and she sees my mother with a WSU sticker in her hand. She asks where my mom got it and she shrugs it off saying, “oh just a sticker from a college Priscilla had gotten accepted to.”

And that’s pretty much it. My mom could really careless if i go anywhere. She’s already told me that she celebrated my sisters acceptances because she didn’t think they were gonna get in. It’s a good thing that a celebration is in my view :/

At least now i know that someone wants me.

takeherhometonight:

bloodvodka:

 (;

That has happened wayyy too many times :P

On another note, previously Emily had posted something saying how her teacher had switched her lunches. This affected me way too much, especially being that lunch was the only time we actually have time to talk.

Emily is the reason why i am happy. She shoo’s away the dark cloud my family creates by making stupid jokes and taking about random stuff. I would’ve never thought that i wouldve tried (and loved) skateboarding or snowboarding if it wasnt for her. I would be way more sheltered.

It does sound a little drastic but she keeps me alive. And i dont mean like literally alive, dont worry, i intend to live my whole life completely. It’s more of something emotionally and mentally. The vacuum that i am engulfed in every day at my house it just so diminishing. She understands me in certain ways because in almost the same case, we go through pretty much the same thing every day. Shes good peeps and im happy shes my best friend :)

Also, another thing was when she told me like 2 weeks ago that when she was a kid (and still now) she loved vienna sausages. I used to be addicted to those as a kid and that just shows how we’ll be friends foreverrrr. OH! and we can read each others mind, she knows exactly what im thinking when i said that too

So right now im listening to some old Good Charlotte and typing this. I just know that at any moment, my mother is going to call me or go to my room and yell at me for not talking to our guests. Or when i go down to watch Criminal Minds, she’ll yell at me. There is only so much i can do. These people are nice and i dont mind to talk to them but i just dont want to. Just last night, my mother said i must have a problem cause i dont talk to people. I talk to people when necessary and when i feel like i can contribute something. Im not just going to fill the words and conversation of the room with empty words, unlike her.

I dont want to put up a facade when i talk to the people. If im sleepy, i will surely sound and look sleepy. Dont complain that im not at my best. I wasnt the one who invited these people, you did. Im not going to act like im perfect so they love me. I could care less. Im even going snowboarding with them tomorrow! What else do you want from me?!

Also, my guidance counselor was more excited about me being accepted to college than my mother. I told her this and she said that when my sisters got accepted it was great because she apparently didnt expect them to get into anywhere and it was a surprise so they had to celebrate. And then i said, “so because you thought they were stupid and they got in somewhere, you had to celebrate?” she said yes and said that she was wished i had applied to more prestigious schools. this just makes me laugh because every single “prestigious” school that i wanted to apply to (MIT or something of that calibur) she complained about it being too expensive. I just cant wait to leave. All of this negative energy is just breaking me down.

My dog smells like popcorn. Nice going Kiwi.

I don’t care about a thing today

I used to but I’m fed up

And I can hear the words you say

I wish that you would shut up